trip

finally i am heading 2 EUROPE.
somehow feels a bit guilty...like im trying 2 escape from something.

要旅行了
好開心阿
但, 是不是再逃避什麼啊?
行不行啊?

useless act

what's the use to open heart to others when nobody even noticed it?
it doesn't make any difference between an open or closed heart.

so why bothered?

who is the bigger hypocrite? me? they?

when i stepped out and looked back, only few, or i should say one is behind me.

the rest of them are just watching and laughing at my stupidity.

i feel awful, and it breaks me even more when i realize i am the only playing this game.

敞開和封閉心胸 並沒有什麼不同的

到底誰才是偽君子?

我踏出了那一步 但卻還是得不到回應

這個時候我才了解只剩我一個人在玩這個遊戲

loser.

almost

it's almost over.
i've reached this far, and what have i got?

快要到盡頭了

走了這麼遠 我得到了什麼?

fit in?

i don't fit in.
once again.

then i crawl back to my cocoon.

我又感到格格不入了
也許還是面對自己比較容易一些

once there was a man....

early today i checked online and saw this short updating blog written by brandon boyd. the first part was like this:



"I'm turning 33 on Sunday. I think this means I have to go and get a real job now. I think this means I have to change my jeans more than once every two weeks. I assume from here on in that I should fold my clothes after they come out of the dryer. By all rights, I should be married by now and thinking about what to name the kids I haven't conceived as yet...... "



honestly, it makes me want to cry.



i can still remember when i was 16 and first heard the song "pardon me" when brandon wrote his 23-year-old struggle. now it became past and 9 years aren't a short time. what did i do during these nine years?



while looking back my 25 years, i realize how important my family are to me. my parents are definitely given me the influence i have throughout the years. a few couple of friends do affect me in a similar way like my parents do. besides them, brandon boyd is no doubt one of the people who became my inspiration and means a lot to me since i first notice him.



i would say i've always had this artistic thing going on in my life, but what he has done and the message he sent push me even further. i never thought that i could paint, but it turned out that everyone could. and i never thought i would sing in front of the crowd, and it turned out to be that i could and i did. i never knew that after so many years pursuing their music, i've found a way to comfort myself while i am sad and lonely.



i never trust my life and any other thing is really happening towards good will eventually become positive. i still don't believe that. but whenever i looked at this man he lights up somehow "hope" for me, even for a little while. curiously he isn't really positive himself either. i guess i sort of agree that when two negative things run into each other, it turns out to be a positive thing.



he is a role model to me, but i am not sure i had even closer to what he had chosen or done in his 20s. i am still confused and upset all the time. i wish he would tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, or the society, or the world. but he's not god, he can't tell me anything. i still appriciate the way he presents, at least himself and the music, through the thing we manipulate too much that disgusts me increasingly. that thing we call ART.