once there was a man....

early today i checked online and saw this short updating blog written by brandon boyd. the first part was like this:



"I'm turning 33 on Sunday. I think this means I have to go and get a real job now. I think this means I have to change my jeans more than once every two weeks. I assume from here on in that I should fold my clothes after they come out of the dryer. By all rights, I should be married by now and thinking about what to name the kids I haven't conceived as yet...... "



honestly, it makes me want to cry.



i can still remember when i was 16 and first heard the song "pardon me" when brandon wrote his 23-year-old struggle. now it became past and 9 years aren't a short time. what did i do during these nine years?



while looking back my 25 years, i realize how important my family are to me. my parents are definitely given me the influence i have throughout the years. a few couple of friends do affect me in a similar way like my parents do. besides them, brandon boyd is no doubt one of the people who became my inspiration and means a lot to me since i first notice him.



i would say i've always had this artistic thing going on in my life, but what he has done and the message he sent push me even further. i never thought that i could paint, but it turned out that everyone could. and i never thought i would sing in front of the crowd, and it turned out to be that i could and i did. i never knew that after so many years pursuing their music, i've found a way to comfort myself while i am sad and lonely.



i never trust my life and any other thing is really happening towards good will eventually become positive. i still don't believe that. but whenever i looked at this man he lights up somehow "hope" for me, even for a little while. curiously he isn't really positive himself either. i guess i sort of agree that when two negative things run into each other, it turns out to be a positive thing.



he is a role model to me, but i am not sure i had even closer to what he had chosen or done in his 20s. i am still confused and upset all the time. i wish he would tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, or the society, or the world. but he's not god, he can't tell me anything. i still appriciate the way he presents, at least himself and the music, through the thing we manipulate too much that disgusts me increasingly. that thing we call ART.